The more open I receiving to guidance, the more serendipity appears in my life. In the past week, three major sources have urged me to take a look at my life history, my memories; to look for places where I am being triggered into unconscious behavior. When the first of these (my Alanon sponsor) suggested that I spend a couple weeks going through my memories, looking for strong emotions, I was really resistant. For me, gut-level resistance to a trusted friend's advice is usually a sign that I REALLY need to do it. Then, looking at the upcoming cycle, I see the same theme to be the focus. And if I hadn't quite got the message, I was listening to an Eckhardt Tolle audio-book this morning and he said "Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now. And if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?"
Earlier this week, I attended a boy scout meeting with my boys. They recently changed school districts, moving to be closer to their father, and we are now alternating weeks of custody. It was my first meeting with their new troop; their Dad (and step-mom's) territory of friends. I made a conscious intention to go in without baggage or defenses about being the outsider, confident of my ability to make friends. Within minutes, an incident triggered my vulnerabilities, and I found myself reacting from the little girl, not the wise woman.
So, Carolyn's questions for the waxing moon are spot on for me. I will spend the next two weeks probing my memories and watching my reactions. Somewhere in my head, I hear the driver of the Night Bus (from Harry Potter) saying "Hang on, It's going to be a bumpy ride".
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