Friday, April 17, 2015
In the borders of a manuscript that had been transcribed by a Celtic monk, probably in the 15th or 16th century this phrase was found to be written in such tiny script it was only legible with the use of a magnifying glass: "May I know what has hurt me. May I allow it to come closer. May it become one with me." These words came to mind when I pondered my experience of the moon cycle of Looks Far Woman, Jamie Sams clan mother for April.
I have looked into the unknown and I have seen what has hurt me and I have allowed it to come close to me. I have prayed it become one with me. I have asked and have been invited to see what is possible for me. I have asked this to come closer to me. I have felt the energy of ‘this’. ‘This’ feels almost too much for me. I allow it to come closer to me and, I hesitate here, I ask it to become one with me.
I feel as though I may burst out of my skin, that my being is too big for my body. Perhaps I keep my body is to tightly held for my being? I want to make this energy 'do certain things' instead of allowing this energy to have my body 'do certain things'—my human being-ness to do certain things, to be a certain way.
I can see how this moves into the writing of where Spirit and Body unite in me—I have the experience this morning as I write of how spirit and body are coming together. My spirit is the energy that flows through me. I understand how it has felt too much for my body. Is this really true that my spirit, my energy is too much for ‘me’? NO. I have come to understand what is ‘me’ is really my soul energy expressed in my life experience(s), which is the experience of body-being and spirit being, me and more than me! Me and union with others, and with the Creator of All That Is, of Great Mystery.
I am more whole. Yes, I am more whole because I am more able to be all that I am. I am no longer in the place of ‘what can I be?’, ‘what can I do?’, who am I?’. Now the questions are ‘What do I do?’,’ How do I do?’, ‘Where do I do?’, ‘Am I willing to be, do?’. Today I am more whole than yesterday and tomorrow I will be more whole than today. I now know that experiencing loss and letting go are actually necessary for me to become more whole and more of who I am. I feel comfort now, rather than fear and angst when I think of letting go. Letting go no longer feels like a loss. It feels like the only way my hands can become free to receive—to take what Creative Source/Great Mystery is offering to me.