Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My first hand (chin/elbow/shin/knee/neck) chance to work with She Who Heals

This is day two since my 'accident'. When I'm not dealing with aches and pains, I find myself amused at how life unfolds.  August New Moon comes in late evening Saturday and by Sunday afternoon I have taken a hard fall while getting on a bus.
I read the prayer for this month:
Mother, heal my heart so that I can see
The gifts of yours that can live through me.”  
I now get a chance to see how live this prayer in action.  First I did not acknowledge I had bleeding shins and knees (had on a long skirt that cover my injuries) and I did not want to take any help from the bus people or fill out an accident report (avoiding dealing with the bureaucracy.  When I got home several hours later I cleaned my wounds bandaged them and went to bed.

I look back and wonder, what was self caring, what was pride, what was needing to be in control, what was rational deciding?  Hmmm.  After my slip and fall, I did go to a nearby bathroom and washed my wounds with soap and water and got the bleeding to stop, so I wasn't in total stubborn mode.  The next morning I made an appointment with my health care practitioner and sure enough I have a nice whiplash, with all the corresponding symptoms.  So, I am learning to work a little, rest a little, go get treatments, work a little rest a little, go to bed.  Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.  For me this is a month for learning about caring for myself, and definitely for healing not only my physical injuries, but letting go of some old life scripts that are eating away at my productivity,creativity and joy.  

I have been making some changes in how I look at my life and the actions I take to live more in alignment with what I currently know to be the gifts I have been lent for this time in my life.  It's not unusual for some of us to have physical ailments or injuries following times when we take a step forward in our life.  For me, this is a time when I will find reasons to withdraw, go into hiding and retreat from my work.  In short, I have a physical ailment which is chance to shut down.  I think this happens because I don't take a refreshing breather at the end of a big step-but usually just keep plowing on,  Well, the whiplash doesn't allow this. So I'm going to go rest now!   

I'm wondering if any of you are having Healing opportunities?

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

A Share From Mary Z Story Teller and Loves All Things

Jamie Sams writes, “We will evolve no matter what happens.  Healing and growth may take many cycles of the Medicine Wheel, but she is willing to love us unconditionally thought all those Rites of Passage until we love ourselves enough to break the patterns of self-induced slavery.”

For a few months now, I’ve found it difficult to be grateful and focus on the positives around me.  My inner voices taunt me regularly.  These stories I tell myself are wrought with themes of estrangement, worthlessness, unloveablity.  A new story has surfaced… “Something is wrong with me.”  Now coupled with my standard “I am alone in this world” self-tale, the affirmative voices are drowned out by these shadow sagas. 

Yet, while on the call this week, I suddenly recognized that Loves All things July mother follows Storyteller’s June.  A spark of hope ignited.  Despite their lacking Truth, my stories of woe elicit “proof” after “proof” from my interactions with people throughout my life.  But if from storytelling we must move to loving all things… I can accept that I am a part of all things.  It was a sign to look beyond the stories, the truth can be found in loving.

I am not there yet, but if LOVE follows stories… I look forward to this chapter!

Jamie Sams writes, “In her wisdom, Loves All Things teaches us that we can find the joys of physical life, without trying to escape our pain through becoming addicted to false pleasures or compulsive behavior patterns.”

I have a pattern of diffusing painful situations with humor or flattery only to succumb to internalizing the hard feelings I could not express to another.  Carolyn talked about forgiveness.  If forgiveness is for the self, how does one forgive when the feelings come from within one’s own self?
I only recently realized how angry I was at someone who had taken advantage of me a few months back.  I feel I cannot forgive him without him understanding how hurt I was.  Yet tonight I was finally able to express my feelings in writing.  A weight was lifted when I wrote down the words.  Is that the healing feeling of forgiveness?

I become overwhelmed trying to figure out where I took the wrong turns in life that leave me so unhappy so often in the present.  Focusing on a current emotion and doing something about it fostered a lightness I have not felt in a while.  Can past sins be forgiven by breaking a few patterns in the present?

Jamie Sams writes, “Forgiving the self for being human…usually dissolved the anger instantly.”