Carolyn shares: This morning I woke up and immediately bumped into the 'me' I dread most. I recognize this 'me' quite readily these days. When I wake up to my alarm and start a conversation about whether or not I should sleep longer, that tells me right away the dreaded 'me' is tussling to take charge. Three snooze buttons later I got up, came downstairs and immediately picked up the latest copy of a magazine called 'Live Happy'. I did not feel 'happy'. Instead, what I saw was all the authors-leader, mentors, actresses, counselors sharing their work in this lovely magazine, doing what I felt I wasn't or couldn't do. This was an open door for negation and shut-down of the 'me' that would be visible in my vision. Just when I was starting to feel my next step into Love and Truth about to happen, I get a flash mob of all my old stuff (a flash mob all dressed in black, by the way) which blocks out the Truths which are already a part of me. My vision for my Vision is blocked. This feels terrible to me in all ways: in my body, my thinking, how I feel, and in my connection to my spirit. In the past, this could take me down for days, weeks, months, often using physical illness as the final blow to 'becoming Me'.
It is so easy to let this sentinel who blares her neon sign-"That's not you!" be the truth-speaker. But...She's not. My best defense against giving her charge of my life is in the daily work I do to keep my chord of connection plugged into Creative Source, Great Mystery Great Spirit, or G.O.D. (Good ,Orderly Direction). This is certainly what walking and resting in the path of the Moon Cycle work helps me do.
Self Reflection: I am present to myself during these busy days of the waning moon. I AM able to discern the blessed Truth of my Self and the Truth of the emerging vision for me life.
Thank you for sharing these difficult thoughts and feelings, Carolyn. I became so adept at just brushing these 'negative'thoughts and vibes aside. Being present with discomfort is an ongoing challenge for me.
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