I am thinking these days about what it would look like to
walk around all day as a wise women.
Currently, being ‘wise’ feels more like an awareness that descends upon
me, or into me, and I either have wisdom, or I don’t. Fortunately-the “I don’t have it” times are usually
relegated to something going on in me personally, rather than in my professional
work—which is a VERY good thing! And, my personal struggles certainly bring understanding and compassion to my work as well.
When I am not in my center, I don’t seem able access to wisdom—or it is very difficult to do this. It is during these times that I feel separate
from the person I would like to be.
For example: I have a vision of
myself as a writer. I do write. I have stashes of notebooks filled with
thoughts and ideas. But, I have not manifested
being a writer as part of my external identity.
There is something that happens inside me when I set a plan for my ‘writer self’
to be active. I get tired. I get distracted. I feel anxious. I feel
disoriented. I feel VERY resistant to
the act of writing. All these are symptoms of being out of my 'center'. During these times, I am not aware Wisdom is available to guide or inform me. It was only when I sat down to write about my
flailing around and feeling like such a failure all day that I was able put anything down on paper. I gave over to the feelings going on inside. I stopped trying to stop doing what I was doing. I sat down and wrote all the X!$&#! I was feeling . (Good for you I'm not sharing that part). I was able to write that stuff- I stopped trying not to be what was going on inside me. I acknowledged and accepted my feelings. It was at this moment I felt an awareness--actually, I felt a kindness come in to my body, I think that this is Wisdom coming in.
I feel I have learned a bit more about Wisdom: She is a companion and she is ready to inform my life. Remembering the advice from January's clan mother-listening with the heart, catching enough stillness to allow what is, is enough for Wisdom to enter. The waxing moon as she grows to fullness reminds me I have this capacity, too.
