February's Waxing Moon Thoughts

I am thinking these days about what it would look like to walk around all day as a wise women.  Currently, being ‘wise’ feels more like an awareness that descends upon me, or into me, and I either have wisdom, or I don’t.  Fortunately-the “I don’t have it” times are usually relegated to something going on in me personally, rather than in my professional work—which is a VERY good thing! And, my personal struggles certainly bring understanding and compassion to my work as well.

When I am not in my center, I don’t seem able access to wisdom—or it is very difficult to do this.  It is during these times that I feel separate from the person I would like to be.  For example:  I have a vision of myself as a writer.  I do write.  I have stashes of notebooks filled with thoughts and ideas.  But, I have not manifested being a writer as part of my external identity.  There is something that happens inside me when I set a plan for my ‘writer self’ to be active.  I get tired.  I get distracted. I feel anxious. I feel disoriented.  I feel VERY resistant to the act of writing. All these are symptoms of being out of my 'center'.  During these times, I am not aware Wisdom is available to guide or inform me. It was only when I sat down to write about my flailing around and feeling like such a failure all day that I was able put anything down on paper.  I gave over to the feelings going on inside. I stopped trying to stop doing what I was doing. I sat down and wrote all the X!$&#! I was feeling . (Good for you I'm not sharing that part).  I was able to write that stuff- I stopped trying not to be what was going on inside me.  I acknowledged and accepted my feelings. It was at this moment I felt an awareness--actually, I felt a kindness come in to my body, I think that this is Wisdom coming in.  

I feel I have learned a bit more about Wisdom: She is a companion and she is ready to inform my life. Remembering the advice from January's clan mother-listening with the heart, catching enough stillness to allow what is, is enough for Wisdom to enter. The waxing moon as she grows to fullness reminds me I have this capacity, too.

February's Waning Moon Gifts to the Closing Moon.

Carolyn shares: She seems so far away tonight.  Smaller even then most crescent moons, yet intensely bright.  Minute rays radiate brilliance.  I just stood and looked at her in this very silent Winters night, until my feet got cold, and I felt a cold-toes nudge to go inside. Such peace I felt.  Such hope.  And even better:  a surge of excitement to keep going on my path. My Path. 

My Path…the work I do on myself, with myself, for my own growth, healing, happiness, and sense of being...If I do this for myself, honoring my process of growing, I am also doing it for all creatures--and them for me. For we are all connected--because we are all unique.  If we weren't unique, we could not be connected, we would all just be the same. No differentiation.  No boundaries. No unique and personal growth.

These words are my waning moon gift from Wisdom Keeper, looking down from her archetypal home.  I feel blessed for my life, and for the women here in this small and powerful circle, who just by our presence, encourage each other to keep going--for all of us.  

Self Reflection: I will keep going, for myself, for all my relations. I will also receive in reciprocation. 

Nearing the End of February's Waning Moon

The February Moon Review for the Full Moon turned out to be exactly what my waning moon experience has been for this month! My suggestion was to RE-member (put together again)and to use ‘re-member-ing’ to piece together parts of our life, examining our attempts to preserve our version of our history. These past two weeks have literally offered me an experience of seeing a broader and deeper truth surrounding my childhood memories and perceptions. I am seeing and feeling myself in ways that I had blinded myself to.

Brief summary of what's going on: At the beginning of this moon cycle I began working with a Jungian Analyst Diplomat, exploring my personal history via my dreams and the memories which rise-up from the exploration of these dreams. The result has been a somewhat alarming awareness of how distorted and protective my perceptions of my childhood have been.  This experience reminds me that it IS REALLY important to have a supportive witness as we endeavor to see our lives more truthfully and with wisdom.  We must be gentle and non-blaming with ourselves as we come to know the fullness of our personal truths- necessary if we are to become our wisest selves. 

When the thoughts for the full moon and closing moon inspiration came to me while writing the MoonCircleJournal prompts for February', I had no idea the writing would, several years later, as I write in the published journal, quite literally be speaking to me!  My two weeks have been quite full, as well unsettling--yet, all is fundamentally good. I am also blessed to have a good support system. I am held in a beloved sisterhood, broad, wide, deep. And so are you, dear reader, if you choose to Honor your Truth and receive the wisdom kept here for you.

Self Reflection: I do not hesitate to reach out for support, for what I need, for what I want to share, and to receive and share a bit of sisterhood support.

February Full Moon

She seems so far away tonight.  Smaller than I've seen a full moon before, yet intensely bright.  Rays radiate from her brilliance.  I just stood and looked at her in this very silent winter night.  Until my feet got cold and I felt a nudge to go inside. Such peace I felt.  Such hope.  And even better:  a surge of excitement to keep going on my path.  My Path.  My Path.  The work I do on myself, with myself, for my own growth, healing, happiness and sense of being...If I do this for myself, honoring the process, I am also doing it for all creatures--and them for me, for we are all connected--because we are all unique.  If we weren't unique, we would not be connected, we would all be the same. No differentiation.  No boundaries. No growth. That is what I got from Wisdom Keeper looking down from her archetypal home.  I feel blessed for my life, and for the women here in this small but powerful circle who encourage each other to keep going--for all of us.  Much Love, Carolyn

Wisdom Keeper Enters the East

My morning's meditations on the first parts of Wisdom Keeper's journey:

Entering the cave, I accept with gratitude the experiential threads of many colors that have contributed to my personal tapestry.  Each teacher and lesson lives in me.  I carry them forward to be passed on; for good or apparent ill depending on my motives and state.  (but all resolves to good in the end).

I take my whole self into the caves of directions.

Entering East:  I embrace my male side--seeking clarity and enlightenment.  When I do so in humility and awareness of my unquenchable ignorance, I make space for Wisdom.  What speaks to me here is the recurring message of the uniqueness of each person's journey and the sacredness of that uniqueness.

I see the male side is the law-making side.  I feel the baseness of relying on laws and rules instead of softening into Wisdom.  How de-humanized I felt this week when my ex-husband resorted to the written rule of law to exert control, rather than cooperation and communication!  I feel reactive and defensive in the face of imposed rules.  I am closed to Wisdom.  How can I better be in Wisdom, when facing someone who is coming from a base of laws and rules?

Wisdom Keeper's whisper to me from the 13th moon circle of last year was "Be a non-threatening presence to others".  Perhaps keeping awareness of the sacred paths of others (ALL others!) will help me to avoid feeling like I have to block, alter or follow their path.  I can be less defensive and better able to open to Wisdom.