New Moon: Wisdom Keeper 2015

My own takeaways from this month's recording and tonight's discussion on the night of the actual New Moon for Wisdom Keeprer's cycle:

Listening to the messages (truths) of my mind, emotions, soul, body and spirit in the Dark Moon earlier this week is a good segue into honoring the truths of All My Relations.  My messages call me into more balance.  I see the Universe moving to bring me into relationship with people and situations that can help to balance me.

In particular, this month, I am contemplating embarking on a possible long-term project/business.   It's pursuit would bring together many disparate areas of my life--honoring the truth of my varied experiences and the "hats" I have worn.  I also see where it can be a vehicle of healing ancestral imbalances.  I am honoring my fears, my strengths and the weaknesses that will require the blessing of working with other wonderful, talented people to bring my emerging vision into reality.

From the story of this month's Clan Mother, I was especially touched by the meaning and symbolism of the seven caves/seven directions.  I plan to use the waxing moon to contemplate the energy of each and honor the truths of that energy in my life and experiences.

The color for this month is gray.  A color of neutrality.  I journal each cycle in the color of that cycle (although crystal and white are a bit tough...).  I love color.  This year I don't have a gray pen, so have had to settle for black with a slight sparkle.  I laughed when I realized that even the color is a reminder for balance.  Frequently, when I start something new, especially if sparked by a "big idea", my level of enthusiasm causes me to burn out.  This month, as I journal in "gray" I will remind myself to honor the long road of experience that has led to being called into this next phase of my life, and to keep the balance among all those many aspects of myself and my history.

Weaving Unattached

Reposted from my public blog: http://cowgirlzen.com/weaving-unattached/ 

Today is the full moon, a lunar eclipse, the Blood Moon.  We are inspired  this moon by "Weaves the Web", the prototypical mother of creative and destructive forces.  Spider medicine is strong in this season and moon cycle.

Weaves the Web and grandmother spider speak to me of manifesting the divine in my daily life.  Increasingly, my heart's desire is to simply be a daily, living expression of the Universal Love that I can sometimes touch in my meditations.  Today's lesson to me is about the importance of creating and then letting go of those creations.

Why, if I weave with the conscious intent of channeling the divine, should I not hold tightly, as sacred, to what I create?

Because I am human.

Because I am human, I am an imperfect lens through which the light of Creation shines.  My weavings are inevitably distortions of the indescribable beauty I feel inside.  To become enamored of them is to attach to the distortion.  To love without attachment is to honor the creative force embodied within them.  To let go is to acknowledge the abundance from which they sprang and from which sufficiently more will arise to take their place.

Spider shows me that much of this world can interfere with my weaving;  Substances, such as drugs and even caffeine, cause  orb spiders to create distorted and dysfunctional webs.   My addictions, lack of self-care, ego, and character defects distort what I intend to manifest in the world.  Several species of poisonous spiders, such as the brown recluse and black widow, weave "disorganized webs", as if the poison that is their survival mechanism is reflected in their self-created environment.

A spider's web is not only sticky, but electrically charged, making it an effective filter for whatever is in it's environment.  From that I learn I must be aware of the environment in which I choose to weave.  What am I attracting to my web?  What am I bringing to myself?

Spider teaches me that destruction and renewal are essential for continued evolution.  Some spiders, such as orb-weavers, construct a new web each day, systematically destroying and eating the old one.  Not discarded or dismissed, but integrated into the next cycle.  As I grow toward wholeness, my creations become purer and more clearly a reflection of what is at the core of my being.  I must be willing to create, destroy and re-create if I am to answer my heart's call.

My first hand (chin/elbow/shin/knee/neck) chance to work with She Who Heals

This is day two since my 'accident'. When I'm not dealing with aches and pains, I find myself amused at how life unfolds.  August New Moon comes in late evening Saturday and by Sunday afternoon I have taken a hard fall while getting on a bus.
I read the prayer for this month:
“Mother, heal my heart so that I can see
The gifts of yours that can live through me.”  

I now get a chance to see how I live this prayer in action.  First I did not acknowledge I had bleeding shins and knees (had on a long skirt that cover my injuries) and I did not want to take any help from the bus people or fill out an accident report (avoiding dealing with the bureaucracy.  When I got home several hours later I cleaned my wounds bandaged them and went to bed.

I look back and wonder, what was self caring, what was pride, what was needing to be in control, what was rational deciding?  Hmmm.  After my slip and fall, I did go to a nearby bathroom and washed my wounds with soap and water and got the bleeding to stop, so I wasn't in total stubborn mode.  The next morning I made an appointment with my health care practitioner and sure enough I have a nice whiplash, with all the corresponding symptoms.  So, I am learning to work a little, rest a little, go get treatments, work a little rest a little, go to bed.  Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.  For me this is a month for learning about caring for myself, and definitely for healing not only my physical injuries, but letting go of some old life scripts that are eating away at my productivity,creativity and joy.  

I have been making some changes in how I look at my life and the actions I take to live more in alignment with what I currently know to be the gifts I have been lent for this time in my life.  It's not unusual for some of us to have physical ailments or injuries following times when we take a step forward in our life.  For me, this is a time when I will find reasons to withdraw, go into hiding and retreat from my work.  In short, I have a physical ailment which is chance to shut down.  I think this happens because I don't take a refreshing breather at the end of a big step-but usually just keep plowing on,  Well, the whiplash doesn't allow this. So I'm going to go rest now!   

I'm wondering if any of you are having Healing opportunities?

A Share From Mary Z Story Teller and Loves All Things

Jamie Sams writes, “We will evolve no matter what happens.  Healing and growth may take many cycles of the Medicine Wheel, but she is willing to love us unconditionally thought all those Rites of Passage until we love ourselves enough to break the patterns of self-induced slavery.”

For a few months now, I’ve found it difficult to be grateful and focus on the positives around me.  My inner voices taunt me regularly.  These stories I tell myself are wrought with themes of estrangement, worthlessness, unloveablity.  A new story has surfaced… “Something is wrong with me.”  Now coupled with my standard “I am alone in this world” self-tale, the affirmative voices are drowned out by these shadow sagas. 

Yet, while on the call this week, I suddenly recognized that Loves All things July mother follows Storyteller’s June.  A spark of hope ignited.  Despite their lacking Truth, my stories of woe elicit “proof” after “proof” from my interactions with people throughout my life.  But if from storytelling we must move to loving all things… I can accept that I am a part of all things.  It was a sign to look beyond the stories, the truth can be found in loving.

I am not there yet, but if LOVE follows stories… I look forward to this chapter!

Jamie Sams writes, “In her wisdom, Loves All Things teaches us that we can find the joys of physical life, without trying to escape our pain through becoming addicted to false pleasures or compulsive behavior patterns.”

I have a pattern of diffusing painful situations with humor or flattery only to succumb to internalizing the hard feelings I could not express to another.  Carolyn talked about forgiveness.  If forgiveness is for the self, how does one forgive when the feelings come from within one’s own self?

I only recently realized how angry I was at someone who had taken advantage of me a few months back.  I feel I cannot forgive him without him understanding how hurt I was.  Yet tonight I was finally able to express my feelings in writing.  A weight was lifted when I wrote down the words.  Is that the healing feeling of forgiveness?

I become overwhelmed trying to figure out where I took the wrong turns in life that leave me so unhappy so often in the present.  Focusing on a current emotion and doing something about it fostered a lightness I have not felt in a while.  Can past sins be forgiven by breaking a few patterns in the present?

Jamie Sams writes, “Forgiving the self for being human…usually dissolved the anger instantly.”

Bead Collage Medicine Wheel

 The bead collage medicine wheel continues to grow. There are now 6 sections, one for each moon cycle. I have temporarily closed the circle for the purposes of taking this picture and posting on the Moon Cycle Circle blog. This month I was particularly inspired by Jamie's story about little star brother and how "Forgets to Twinkle earned the name Lightening Bug." I added the red section at top with the large crystal to represent this story, to reflect our collective light. It reminds us to trust our ability to shine bright.  As we move through the next 7 moon cycles, I will continue to add beads and found objects to this piece.  I close this post with the lyrics and a link to a special song from the album Ancient Mother sung by artist Robert Grass & On The Wings Of  Song. Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAJ6Lm3_jWU

May the Circle Be Open

By the Air that is Her breath
By the Fire of Her bright Spirit
By the Waters of Her womb
By the Earth that is her Body
May the circle be open but unbroken
May the peace of the [Clan mothers]
Be ever in your heart
Merry meet,
And, merry part,
And merry meet again.

The Mockingbird's Song: A parable about listening to your soul

                Just before dawn, I heard cardinal song outside my window.  The clear trill was coming from the trees surrounding the pool.  I pictured the red bird in the rain-wet trees, on this unusually cool Texas May morning.  But the bird appearing in my mind’s eye was not a cardinal.  I was my familiar friend, the mockingbird.

                My scientist’s brain went into testing and verification mode:  Indeed, we have many more mockingbirds than cardinals in the poolside landscape.  There is one particularly vocal fellow who frequents the tree outside my bedroom window.  And as I listened, I heard other types of bird songs coming from the same apparent spot.   I concluded: Indeed, it must have been a mockingbird.

                I couldn’t help but wonder how I knew, before thinking it out, that the song I heard was an imitation of the real cardinal’s song.  I bet if I heard a recording of the two, I could not discern a difference.  Even real birds are sometimes fooled by the mockingbird’s song.  Yet, intuition gave me a clear knowing.  The same knowing took my mind a while to reach.

                The voice that directs my actions and decisions is a lot like this morning’s bird songs. 

                My ego, my small self, is a mockingbird.  It sings songs that help me to establish and defend my “territory” (who I think I am).  But in Reality, those songs are only reflections, projections and imitations.  They serve a temporary purpose, but do not reveal who I am at my core, nor help me fulfill my real mission in life.   When I listen to the voice of my small self, at best, I am listening to an echo of the Truth.  That voice may even direct me toward actions that are helpful and generous.  But in the end, such actions frequently leave me feeling empty, exhausted or used.

                Through the Grace of intuition, or through the conscious humility of setting aside my own small-self-will, I can hear the voice of my larger Self.  This Self lives in communion with all of creation, and maintains a connection to the eternal force I often think of as God.  Actions taken at the urging of this voice have a different energy than those directed by the small self.  This is true even when the actions are externally indistinguishable from those fueled by the ego.  Coming from a place of infinite connection and love, I am energized, not depleted.  Even when I inevitably fail to perform perfectly, these actions create good.

                The mockingbird sang to me an important message today.  My mind, my knowledge, can lead me down some false roads.  By opening to intuition and by practicing listening to my soul, I will be directed in the Right direction.  I will move toward wholeness.

Getting Ready for Listening Women Full Moon.

A client came back from a far away travel and brought me a stone!  She (the stone feels quite feminine) is pipestone red and covered with all kinds of marks and shapes.  Slightly to big to cover fully with my fingers when I hold her in my hand , different images peak through when I turn her over.  I feel blessed and know I have received some good medicine from afar!  And I also have another stone on the way to me courtesy of Lisa! These ‘gifts’ are part of a number of ‘listening’ reminders and invitations that have been coming my way over the last weeks.  It has been a struggle to REALLY listen.  I feel like a kid struggling to get out of the arms of a very strong parent.  I don’t want to stay still and stay present.  BUT I am aware I need to!  Does this sound similar to your waxing moon experience?  And I ask these two questions: How do we hear what is being communicated to us? How do we know what we are hearing is not ego, but Spirit?