I am thinking these days about what it would look like to
walk around all day as a wise women.
Currently, being ‘wise’ feels more like an awareness that descends upon
me, or into me, and I either have wisdom, or I don’t. Fortunately-the “I don’t have it” times are usually
relegated to something going on in me personally, rather than in my professional
work—which is a VERY good thing! And, my personal struggles certainly bring understanding and compassion to my work as well.
When I am not in my center, I don’t seem able access to wisdom—or it is very difficult to do this. It is during these times that I feel separate
from the person I would like to be.
For example: I have a vision of
myself as a writer. I do write. I have stashes of notebooks filled with
thoughts and ideas. But, I have not manifested
being a writer as part of my external identity.
There is something that happens inside me when I set a plan for my ‘writer self’
to be active. I get tired. I get distracted. I feel anxious. I feel
disoriented. I feel VERY resistant to
the act of writing. All these are symptoms of being out of my 'center'. During these times, I am not aware Wisdom is available to guide or inform me. It was only when I sat down to write about my
flailing around and feeling like such a failure all day that I was able put anything down on paper. I gave over to the feelings going on inside. I stopped trying to stop doing what I was doing. I sat down and wrote all the X!$&#! I was feeling . (Good for you I'm not sharing that part). I was able to write that stuff- I stopped trying not to be what was going on inside me. I acknowledged and accepted my feelings. It was at this moment I felt an awareness--actually, I felt a kindness come in to my body, I think that this is Wisdom coming in.
I feel I have learned a bit more about Wisdom: She is a companion and she is ready to inform my life. Remembering the advice from January's clan mother-listening with the heart, catching enough stillness to allow what is, is enough for Wisdom to enter. The waxing moon as she grows to fullness reminds me I have this capacity, too.
It's a beautiful thing that one can read the perfect passage at the perfect time... or us it just that readiness and openness to receive guidance? Thank you, for the reminder that I, too, am a writer. I've allowed too many thoughts to swim in my brain tonight. It is time to put my words out into the world again
ReplyDeleteMary, I was just thinking about how so many different sources seem to be pointing me in the same direction. I think there is definitely an element of being ready, then we see what we need, which was there all along.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I love about the Clan Mother book is that every time I go through it, I get a different lesson from the same story.