Carolyn shares: I wake up very early. The cloud cover has shut out every bit of light from the moon and the stars. All the holiday lights are off in the neighborhood. I'm in the midst of that in-between everything time when I feel totally alone, disconnected from everything and everyone; even from the source of creation. It is a terrible anxiety, moments of total desperation, loss, panic, confusion. I recognize how often these feeling pass through me.--I wonder if I have tapped into an ancient feeling in the core of human beings in those moments, hours, days, maybe even weeks, when they felt alone. How often I forget I am connected to ALL. I can't ever really escape this connection, but I am always forgetting it. THAT is probably the main reason I stay connected to the mooncyclecircle--so I forget less and know my connection more. Then, I am able to be a place for others to know and remember their connection as well.
When I forget, I close myself up in seeming self-protection, and these feelings can not pass through. Instead, they must take up residence in my body ('my own personal, 'oh shit, here I go again' response), my mind (which brings up all the bad stories from my memory), my emotions (I feel them in the racing of my heart) and my spirit (which I think feels desperate in my disconnection). They are trapped there until I open up again, which happens ONLY through my willingness to remember I am always connected, even when I forget I am.
Self-Reflection: Am I willing to open up enough to let the difficult, scary panic,anxiety and fear pass through?
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