Feeling Alone and Forgetting Truth

Carolyn shares: I wake up very early. The cloud cover has shut out every bit of light from the moon and the stars. All the holiday lights are off in the neighborhood. I'm in the midst of that in-between everything time when I feel totally alone, disconnected from everything and everyone; even from the source of creation. It is a terrible anxiety, moments of total desperation, loss, panic, confusion. I recognize how often these feeling pass through me.--I wonder if I have tapped into an ancient feeling in the core of human beings in those moments, hours, days, maybe even weeks, when they felt alone. How often I forget I am connected to ALL.  I can't ever really escape this connection, but I am always forgetting it. THAT is probably the main reason I stay connected to the mooncyclecircle--so I  forget less and know my connection more. Then, I am able to be a place for others to know and remember their connection as well.  

When I forget, I close myself up in seeming self-protection, and these feelings can not pass through.  Instead, they must take up residence in  my body ('my own personal, 'oh shit, here I go again' response), my mind (which brings up all the bad stories from my memory), my emotions (I feel them in the racing of my heart) and my spirit (which I think feels desperate in my disconnection). They are trapped there until I open up again, which happens ONLY through my willingness to remember I am always connected, even when I forget I am.

Self-Reflection:  Am I willing to open up enough to let the difficult, scary panic,anxiety and fear pass through?  

Thanking Ourselves Deeply

A kind, loving, and steadfast friend knows about gratitude.
They will stay by our side and know we will stand by theirs, regardless.
Yet, there is no taking for granted, no need to know the outcome.
These are relationships of deep gratitude.

We learn to be steadfast friend to our soul
            by holding our self in both compassion and accountability.
By expressing gratitude for our life experiences,
            we remember that our life is a journey of practice and progress.
For us; for others.


Self Reflection:  How will I express deeper gratitude to me?

On Being With the Truth of My Day

Carolyn's personal share:
Some nights it is a struggle to find the right words for an inspiring post.

I can't seem to find the connection to inspiration or wisdom.
I feel more weary than witty.

My mind is packed full of thoughts, overstimulated from a full and challenging (in a good way) day.

I think of yesterday's post on Challenge and Truth.
The truth I can share is about my tiredness, and that I am being challenged to change.

I am grateful for the post and for Marianne Williamson's quote.
I'm cutting myself some slack.
I'm accepting this challenge to change.
I have some experience in the challenge and the change getting easier.
Ahhh, I feel better already.

Self Reflection: What is my experience moving from challenge toward change?

Cultivating Compassion

True service to others (not serving with a hidden agenda) is one meaning of Share Truth. Service to others can dissolve shame. Through service, the mask our self reliance will give way to experiencing the other, for whom we do service.  In a way, the playing field of life is leveled. When we can experience the other in their need, we are more able to experience our own need, and begin to see our self as we truly are.  In this way, shame diminishes.  Compassion is born.  We see others, we see our True self.  

Service strengthens the roots of compassion and dissolves the the roots of shame. 

Self Reflection:  Where in my life do I offer to be of service to others?  Am I willing to cultivate this service, bringing well-being to others and to myself as I do?

We All, Eventually, Return Home to Ourselves

29 days on a journey committed to loving what is Truth will reveal parts of our character that have previously been hidden in shadow.  As we embrace these parts of our selves, such
harmful behaviors, errant beliefs, or judgments (of self and others), it is common to experience feelings of shame.
Love Truth invites us to compassionate forgiveness of ourselves for all the foibles of our life journey so far.  we are the prodigal goddess of Sara's poem.  The parent we are returning to is ourselves, the woman we are becoming; the woman Love Truth has invited us to see as Truth.  We are returning to a mansion where a life rich with possibility, creativity, growth and abundant love is waiting to be experienced.

Wait no longer to Love all the Truths of your journey thus far. Embrace the imperfections of your life as a human being. This conscious act starts the healing, just as in Jamie Sams' story of Loves All Things.

Sewlf Reflection:  Have I allowed ALL of me to return to rest in my own being, in my heart?

The Quest to Love Truth Bridges the Gaps in Our Perception and Judgment

The quest to love Truth is the journey of compassion.  The Truth cycles up to this point have been offering us gentle invitations to embrace a more compassionate way of living: with ourselves, with others, and in the world. On this quest to Love Truth we now come face to face with what we perceive or judge as wanted or unwanted, good or bad, kind or hurtful, honorable or shameful...For most of us, coming face to face with the undesirable of these is like coming to a cliff edge 'reality' and come to an abyss of our fear-based perceptions and judgments.

Our options are always the same:  We can turn back, taking up our addictions for comfort and retreat. We can freeze-up emotionally or physically and become frozen into inaction. We can fight them until they consume us and we end up falling into the abyss. OR...we can build a bridge of compassionate forgiveness, one plank at a time to span the abyss of our dark shadows--all those places we can not yet truthfully see in ourselves, judge in others, and perceive in the world.

Self Reflection: When I lay down my judgment of self and others, I am freed to accept the Truth,  I am able to love what, in my error of perception, I deemed unlovable. I am freed from a prison of my own making, and I cross the abyss toward a freedom of great love.

Embracing the Journey of Loving Truth.

To love truth is to accept both our gifts and weaknesses, our strengths and the places we still struggle, our failures and our victories.  In accepting all of our self, we are not diminished, but made whole. We become complete human beings, with a great capacity to love, and carriers of Wisdom.

In Jamie Sams story of Loves All Things, the clan mother of July's moon cycle was eventually able to see how the errors in her perceptions had caused great harm to herself, others and the world. She became willing to see the larger Truth about her life experiences. Only then was she able to seek forgiveness and make amends to her community.  Only then was she able to step into her role as wise teacher and mentor for her community. Her struggles were transformed into compassion and wisdom. We too have this capacity. It is our birthright.

Self Reflection: I accept both my gifts and my weakness, my victrories and my failures, my strengths and the places I still struggle.

June Closing Moon Speaking: Truth and Wisdom are Twin Storytellers

Having compassion and understanding for what has gone before us is necessary to pass on the Wisdom gleaned from our experiences.  Our own Truth and Wisdom grow from sitting in the circle of storytellers.
If our story is to serve humankind and the universe, it must be shared. It takes courage to speak a new story or to share a dream.
Seeing, hearing and speaking Truth with humility, acceptance and a joyful, open heart prepares us to Love all Things and Serve Truth.

Self Reflection: Wisdom support my willingness to Speak Truth with humility and to Love the Truth revealed to me. On this closing moon I sit in reflection and contemplation on this closing moon for June

New Moon for May Brings the gift of Hearing Truth

This is the last of the moons for the season of spring. The May's Moon is the cycle for Hear Truth and invites us to listen to ourselves first-our inner voice, our out-loud voice (Is it whiny, seductive, open-hearted, compassionate?  Does it change depending on who we are speaking to?) Learn to listen from the metaphor of a ‘blank slate’.

The color reflecting the May moon is obsidian or black. In deep blackness, there is no influence to what we hear-other than ourselves. The Celtic medicine wheel invites us to have compassion for ourselves during this final month in the season of the east. We are learning how to hear ourselves above all the din and distraction of ruminating thoughts, worries, unfounded fears etc. All this takes practice, and having enough compassion for ourselves to keep re-committing to the practice of listening.

Listening, to oneself, what is it that I am REALLY saying? to myself? to others? What are others are saying. There are so many levels of communication. What would I need to change in my life to develop the skill of discernment and use it in my abilities to listen? Listen to what is really being said, listen to my intuition, listen to my conscience, listen to the voice of the Creator, and listen for the real NEED underneath the WANT, from myself and from those with who I am in relationship.

Self Reflection: Am I willing to listen? Am I willing to hear, and am I willing to take action on what I hear? Can I discern the differences in the voices of my ego, my spiritual essence and Divine voice?

In Full Moon of April: Practice Seeing Softly

When we understand what if feels and looks like to 'see softly', we experience a gentle way to bring our life into alignment. If we are to move through the narrow vortex between our living in perceived reality and the reality of our Truth, as it is offered by the Divine Source for us to see.

When we look softly at the world around us, our awareness of our being becomes soft as well. With practice we soften our self-criticism, judging, and self-imposed limits.
Amy Cuddy, speaking of how our way of being in our body influences who we are in our life, says: "small tweaks can lead to big changes".   In this truth cycle, 'See Truth' means that we learn to be soft and compassionate with our self. It is this compassionate, yet focused, way of seeing connects us with the power and strength of Godly Seeing/Seeing with the eyes of Creative Source.  We become able to move through anxiety and fear (that narrow vortex) toward what is Truth for our life.

We practice the change we want to be gently, daily, consistently.  We receive new awareness, new guidance.  We 'see' more fully.

Self Reflection:  Today on this Full Moon, I will look softly, and in the fullness of her energetic light I will see-at least a glimpse-of the light and fullness of my Truth. This willingness opens my path forward.  Am I willing to commit to this practice of soft seeing and 'small tweaks'?

Awareness and Change

Awareness is the beginning of change. Just being aware begins the process of change. We must have awareness before we can know and accept.

Be aware of your choices and accept the consequences of those choices. From this place of full and honest knowing, action will flow when you are ready; when it is what you truly desire.

Sometimes, we need to sit with the knowing a while, before we are ready, before we truly desire. Have compassion for yourself in this time. As long as you stay in awareness, the change is incubating. Alignment and right action will eventually follow.

Self Reflection: Am I aware of my awareness?

Some of Our Parts Are Slow to Change, but Shift Happens

I often look back at my previous years' moon cycle writing to see where I was in my life in the previous year(s). I came across my writing from the first blog for the Closing Moon (we called it 'dark' moon back then).  I was a bit shocked to read a very similar theme of self-awareness and self-analysis. When I read through my post, I was at first let down, questioning if I have made any progress at all.
But as I read it again, more slowly and with a compassion I would offer to anyone struggling with their way of living life.
I have made changes, albeit sometimes the change feels small.
I have grown as a woman, I hope more into a wise woman.
I AM more willing to be in truth as I currently understand it.
I AM more willing to be with the truth of others--even when I'd rather not.

Self Reflection: I take time to name and appreciate the small shifts in my way of being. I take time to have compassion for where my change is slow.

Learning Truth Does Impact One's View of Self and Others

Carolyn Shares: Holding fast to my commitment to communicate with an intention to Learn Truth  has brought to light how much 'fear' influences my behavior, my reactions, my choices.  My desire and longing to have Truth direct my life makes it possible for me to have a Voice that is stronger than the voice of 'fear'.  What is this voice? For me Truth is a name for the expression of 'Great Mystery', 'God', 'The Divine One', 'Creator', 'Great Spirit', in me, in all of creation.  Working with these cycles of Truth for the past years has brought the gift of ongoing, though not quite yet, continual contact with this Divine Force.  The teachings of Truth from all the great spiritual traditions tell us that Truth is another name for 'God', another name for Love.
I feel it changing me and changing my way of being with others.  I can be softer, more receiving, more honoring; even if we don't see Truth in the same way.  Progress...

Self-Reflection:  How do I feel when I don't hold the same truths as others?