The Pain of Not Letting Go

The pain of not letting go...as human beings we tend to respond to life by either holding on no matter the cost, or stopping just short of the goal. In the animal world, only domesticated animals mimic this behavior.  Creatures in the wild could not survive if they behaved this way.  We human beings may survive, but we certainly don't thrive, and the life we create by living this way is painful, for us and for those around us.

Spider, as a totem so obviously does not hold on! Think about spider spinning and weaving her web. From her being comes the fiber and material for creation of the web. From her essence comes the knowing of its' form, its' creation.

Self Reflection: What does the web of my life represent for me? What is the cost of my holding on? What is the cost of my stopping too soon?

Living in the Mysrtery of Our Own Web of Life

There are ways our own web of life is known to us and ways in which it is still a mystery.
What is asked of us as we move in the space that is ours-to care for, to steward, to enjoy, to create?

Carolyn's personal share:  When I sit to write these blog posts, I sit in stillness asking for guidance, "What is helpful for me to hear, know, write for this day?"  As these posts are written day after day, I am aware the guidance is always there, yet I am frequently not able to hear or see it clearly.  Mental chatter, the static of conflicting needs and wants from other areas of my life result in impatience. I often feel pressure to get into my day (or to go to bed), or to meet another's want or need.  For me, this is the 'poison' that creates the distorted web Sara wrote about in her post on the weaving of one's web.

A Truth I  know as I stay committed to this path of living and being and serving is this:
My willingness to continue to ask for guidance helps me come back to a centered place where I am better able to hear and see guidance.
My willingness to have gratitude and appreciation for all that is in and around my life, regardless of how it currently appears/feels to me, clears a way for creativity.
When I can let go of 'my way', my time frame, my preconceived ideas and notions and prejudices, words and creativity flow.
All this is what allows my inner-artist to connect with Great Mystery to co-create my life (and these posts).  It is truly a wonderful experience and way of being. Knowing this, I wonder why I still leave this space so often?


Self Reflection:  What more is needed for me to trust I AM a gifted artist co-creating my life?

Thinking About the Web of Great Mystery

Moses Shongo's 'Pathway of Peace' meditation invites us to place our being on a very specific path, and on specific stones on that path leading to the  summit of  Great Mystery.  The 'Web of Life' is Great Mystery's web, Creator's web, Creation's web.  Our personal webs are but one among many. Creation is a web of webs. Yes, we are all connected.  We are all interconnected on the bigger web of Creation.

Self-reflection: I am a human being. I have been placed on the infinite web of Creation.  I have a specific place here on this web. I arrived with a path for my unique 'being', with nearly infinite possibilities.  I choose the steps to take on my path.  As part of the greater Web of Life, I will get input along the way re 'my path, my web'.  How discerning am I as to the source of the input? What/who supports my being? What/who diminishes and harms my being?

Waning Moon for Walk and Work Truth: Grandmother Spider, Clan Mother Weaves the Web

A partial posting from Sara's public blog cowgirlzen.com :

Because I am human, I am an imperfect lens through which the light of Creation shines.  My weavings are inevitably distortions of the indescribable beauty I feel inside.  To become enamored of them is to attach to the distortion.  To love without attachment is to honor the creative force embodied within them.  To let go is to acknowledge the abundance from which they sprang and from which sufficiently more will arise to take their place.

Spider shows me that much of this world can interfere with my weaving;  Substances, such as drugs and even caffeine, cause  orb spiders to create distorted and dysfunctional webs.   My addictions, lack of self-care, ego, and character defects distort what I intend to manifest in the world.  Several species of poisonous spiders, such as the brown recluse and black widow, weave "disorganized webs", as if the poison that is their survival mechanism is reflected in their self-created environment.

A spider's web is not only sticky, but electrically charged, making it an effective filter for whatever is in it's environment.  From that I learn I must be aware of the environment in which I choose to weave.  What am I attracting to my web?  What am I bringing to myself?

Spider teaches me that destruction and renewal are essential for continued evolution.  Some spiders, such as orb-weavers, construct a new web each day, systematically destroying and eating the old one.  Not discarded or dismissed, but integrated into the next cycle.  As I grow toward wholeness, my creations become purer and more clearly a reflection of what is at the core of my being.  I must be willing to create, destroy and re-create if I am to answer my heart's call.

Self Reflection: Where in my life do I need to destroy old patterns that I might create new ones?  Am I willing to do what is needed to answer my hearts call?  If not, am I willing to seek guidance and support so I can learn to express the beauty of what waits to be woven inside me? 

Full Moon for Walk and Work Truth; Grandmother Spider, Clan Mother Weaves the Web

A partial posting from Sara's public blog cowgirlzen.com :

We are inspired  this moon by "Weaves the Web", the prototypical mother of creative and destructive forces.  Spider medicine is strong in this season and moon cycle.

Weaves the Web and grandmother spider speak to me of manifesting the divine in my daily life.  Increasingly, my heart's desire is to simply be a daily, living expression of the Universal Love that I can sometimes touch in my meditations.  Today's lesson to me is about the importance of creating and then letting go of those creations.

Why, if I weave with the conscious intent of channeling the divine, should I not hold tightly, as sacred, to what I create?

Because I am human.

Because I am human, I am an imperfect lens through which the light of Creation shines.  My weavings are inevitably distortions of the indescribable beauty I feel inside.  To become enamored of them is to attach to the distortion.  To love without attachment is to honor the creative force embodied within them.  To let go is to acknowledge the abundance from which they sprang and from which sufficiently more will arise to take their place.

Self reflection:  How can I manifest 'divine intention' in my daily life?  Where could I practice letting go of 'my way' during the waning weeks of this moon cycle?

Serendipity and Synchronicity

The day after I dreamed of children jumping on my web, I visited our local arboretum with a friend and her daughter.  Lo and behold a giant spider web had been built in the children's garden! gleefully, my friend's daughter climbed aboard and began jumping on the rope web.  Universe has offered synchronicity for my dream. I take this serendipity seriously. Synchronicity is a call to pay attention.

Self Reflection: In the web of my life, what patterns of synchronicity are showing up? There is a pattern. I need only take the time and create a space for looking, sensing, seeing to notice.  What might the gift of this pattern be showing me, pointing toward?

Necessary Actions for the Waxing Moon Cycle

The clan mother archetype for the October moon cycle is Weaves the Web.  Notice her name is in the active tense.  She is not called 'Weaved the Web'.  Life is not a 'once and done' process.  Like spider, we continually deconstruct and reconstruct parts of our lives. We are often called to begin again. Sometimes we must move our 'web'.  Usually, we just need to do a little de-cluttering or possession consciousness.

During the waxing moon phase, we are invited to clean up what get's in the way of  our ability to work and walk our vision for our life.  A cluttered mind impedes our ability to hear Guidance and Truth.  Cluttered relationships are prone to dishonesty and disconnection. Cluttered environments breed self-sabotage.

As we move through the waxing phase of the moon cycle and toward the full moon, it is important to give time each day for both decluttering our 'web' and for doing small actions and connections (with others and the world) to grow our vision.

Self reflection: What part of my 'web' needs decluttering? Is this an inner decluttering or decluttering in  my external world?  Or both?

Stepping fully into the Journey on Our Web

What flows from me inevitably leads me to becoming more whole
              and complete in my life.  
What flows from me is not originated by me, but through me.  

I am not responsible or creating the idea, the inspiration. 

I am responsible for using all of my senses (including the sixth sense)

And allowing what comes to flow through me.

This I can allow, support, encourage.

This I can nourish in the womb of my being.  

I trust what comes through me will be known to me 

           at the right time, 

                        and the right place.  

This is the stance of faith.

Just like with spider, the fibers to spin her web flow from her when she is

           in the right time 

                        and the right place/space.

Self Reflection:  Read this contemplation aloud four times. Then, sit and listen, just for a few minutes, letting the specific truth of this message for YOU come into consciousness.  If mind wants to run away from what  is coming in, gently bring her back until you feel the resonance of the message settling in your heart. 

Note: Spider totem represents a feminine aspect of the creative source 

                 and is part of all of us, whether we are female or male.  

Aligning your Dreams, Desires, Goals and Vision

Sara writes:  To be honest, when I sat down with the four circles of 'Dreams', 'Desires', 'Goals' and 'Vision' this morning, I wondered why on earth we had chosen four words that meant the same thing. Then I started writing:

• Desires-what my heart is calling for, that for which I feel a lack or emptiness 
• Dreams-what I would love to have in my life.  Again mostly what I don' have (yet)
• Goals-what I hope to accomplish, in specifics
• Vision-how I see myself manifesting in the world and how the Universe manifests around me

I remember a time, about 13-14 years ago when a similar exercise (in the middle of a corporate  retreat) nearly caused a complete emotional breakdown.  I was living my life trying to fulfill someone else's desires, reach goals that had been set by those who controlled my financial future, had room only for the dream of safety and didn't dare let myself look at a vision of how my life was manifesting.

When we are not in touch with our inner self, we lose the ability to weave a coherent web.  Those four apparently similar words end up disconnected when they do not spring from our own inner truth,  from our own core wisdom.  

Self Reflection: Are my Dreams, Desires, Goals and Vision in alignment?  Can they all be contained and supported by the web I am weaving with my choices and my life?

A dust-speck spider weaves perfect imperfection: October New Moon; Walk/Work Truth

Spider weaves

Is she Creator of her own web?

Or does Creator come through her?

I weave my web

Inspired strands,

Spun in the colors of my heart

Imperfect Truths

Here for the moment

They speak to me

(and perhaps to another?)

Tomorrow,

my Truth will be different

And I will weave a new web

Different, yet still Truth

For I am a dust-speck spider

Weaving in the vastness of the Universe

Infinite and infinitesimal

Channeling that which cannot be contained!

Self reflection: On this New Moon, how is Universe inspiring me to weave my life?