The Waning Moon in Winter Can Get Really Dark

Perhaps it's all the holiday lights that make the dark seem even darker.

Certainly it is the ever shortening days that remind us of just how dark it can get.

Not just in the out of doors, but within ourselves as well.

All the cheeriness and sparkling lights can seem to make a dark mood darker as well.

No shadow is cast in this deep darkness.

We need not be distracted or frightened by their distortions.

We can choose to slow down and be present to the growing dark. 

We can choose to sit with the darkness and come to know it better.

For the gift of this time of growing dark is that, in the end

the deeper the dark the easier to recognize

The small flicker of light that is eternal within us.

Self Reflection: I will embrace my times of darkness. I will let my inner eyes adjust and I will see the small flicker of eternal light within.

A 'Closing', 'Dark', 'Void' Moon Invitation

I align MY internal flame with the Eternal Flame of Love.

By internal flame, is meant one's life force, which is the energy which we bring into the world with us when we are born.  Over time, our life experiences can be like a storm battering away at the flame of a lamp.  While we cannot control the metaphoric winds and storms that threaten our flame, we can strengthen the wick of the lamp which is our life.

Our intention for living our life and our commitment to live with integrity (Truth as best as we currently understand) weave together and become like a wick, drawing up energy from Creator's unlimited source. This energy, ignited by Grace, is an ever-flowing gift of love available to all of us. 

We receive this Grace through two actions: First, through a daily practice of expressing specific and sincere gratitude (thanksgiving) and second, by asking Source (by whatever name we have for Source) for help in living our life and are consciously willing to receive help.  In other words, we establish a morning practice of gratitude prayer and contemplative petition.

Self Reflection: Am I am now able, willing, and ready to Live Truth?

Pondering April's Dark Moon

In the borders of a manuscript that had been transcribed by a Celtic monk, probably in the 15th or 16th century this phrase was found to be written in such tiny script it was only legible with the use of a magnifying glass: "May I know what has hurt me.  May I allow it to come closer. May it become one with me."  These words came to mind when I pondered my experience of the moon cycle of Looks Far Woman, Jamie Sams clan mother for April.  

I have looked into the unknown and I have seen what has hurt me and I have allowed it to come close to me.  I have prayed it become one with me.  I have asked and have been invited to see what is possible for me.  I have asked this to come closer to me.  I have felt the energy of ‘this’.  ‘This’ feels almost too much for me.  I allow it to come closer to me and, I hesitate here, I ask it to become one with me. 

I feel as though I may burst out of my skin, that my being is too big for my body. Perhaps I keep my body is to tightly held for my being?  I want to make this energy 'do certain things' instead of allowing this energy to have my body 'do certain things'—my human being-ness to do certain things, to be a certain way.

I can see how this moves into the writing of where Spirit and Body unite in me—I have the experience this morning as I write of how spirit and body are coming together.  My spirit is the energy that flows through me.  I understand how it has felt too much for my body.  Is this really true that my spirit, my energy is too much for ‘me’?  NO.  I have come to understand what is  ‘me’ is really my soul energy expressed in my life experience(s), which is the experience of body-being and spirit being, me and more than me!  Me and union with others, and with the Creator of All That Is, of Great Mystery.  

I am more whole.  Yes, I am more whole because I am more able to be all that I am.  I am no longer in the place of ‘what can I be?’, ‘what can I do?’, who am I?’.  Now the questions are ‘What do I do?’,’ How do I do?’, ‘Where do I do?’, ‘Am I willing to be, do?’.    Today I am more whole than yesterday and tomorrow I will be more whole than today.  I now know that experiencing loss and letting go are actually necessary for me to become more whole and more of who I am.  I feel comfort now, rather than fear and angst when I think of letting go.  Letting go no longer feels like a loss.  It feels like the only way my hands can become free to receive—to take what Creative Source/Great Mystery is offering to me.  

January Dark Moon Musings by Carolyn

Just a few notes on my experience of dark moon approaching.  I heard my negative self talk pretty loudly this week. You know, that part that never runs out of self-doubt.  The tape is so familiar, I can recite it myself without any cue cards--and in fact I often do.  "STOP!" an old friend said as I whined on and on.  And this friend IS old.  Probably in his 80's though I don't ask.  He suggested I write an amends to myself for all that put-down talk; write an amends to the Carolyn that put so much time into studying and working for her degrees and her license, and years of practicing and honing her skills.  Write to the Carolyn that commits to her purpose of supporting others in their quests for growth and health. Write to the Carolyn who wakes up with visions for creating websites and books and paintings.  I fussed with him about the idea, but I listened and I did it.  I wrote pages--and pages. Then I read them out loud and I made my self listen. Well, I didn't make myself--after all that writing, I WANTED to listen.
I did the Gestalt two chair exercise--the one where one part of you sits in one chair and another part sits across in another chair, and the person talks to both parts of themselves by moving back and forth between chairs.  I sat in the negative self talker chair and I read my amends to my professional, creative and inspired self. I read that what was behind all my talk  was the need for staying small (so I could be safer) and not getting made fun of, or attacked, or shamed or making a mistake (does any of this sound familiar in your life??).  I read out loud  to the Carolyn in the other chair about recognizing how much all this had hurt the me that had worked hard and long and for years. I said I would do my best to stop the bad self talk habit (an addiction?).
That was a couple nights ago.  Something has shifted in me.  My willingness  to write an amends to my self gave me permission to hear the part of me that puts myself down and holds me back and shames me. She/I got to talk and I/Me listened from the heart.  My wise old friend, it seems, is a male incarnation of Talks With Relations. Since then, the negative voice is almost inaudible-just a little squeak now and then-I'm using it as a reminder to wake up and pay attention to myself-recenter and refocus on the moment. And, with less background noise I can hear (I) inspiration and (G)guidance much more clearly.  If it hadn't been so frigging cold up hear in the western suburbs of Chicago, I would have sat in my hot-tub under the dark moon to give thanks and allow the lesson to settle even deeper within.  But it's really still pretty darn cold, so instead, I'm taking this dark moon opportunity to share a blog-post.